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Jon Koons
Jon Koons (Oscar Madison). “ No theater critic has ever been able to describe the unique talent of Jon Koons. This is because most of what they wrote was unprintable in a family newspaper. Jon discovered his theatrical destiny at age 6, when the revered Mister Rogers (he of the Neighborhood) picked Jon out of a live audience and enthused, “What an idiot. He should be an actor!” Encouraged by that endorsement, Jon finally made his stage debut at age 36 by being crowned “Miss Burlap” at the Bakersfield County Fair. From that auspicious beginning he attained his one printable review for his performance in A Streetcar Named Desire at the Baghdad Community Theater in 2003. To Quote: “The infidel Jon Koons, playing a pile of festering laundry that never moved or spoke, was a revelation. Blasphemy is fleeting, but mildew is forever!” Since then, Jon has been cast in many roles in Santa Barbara theater due to his talent, blackmail, and occasional threats with small weapons.Jon would like to thank the Witness Protection Program, Circle Bar-B Theater, and his former cellmate, “Guido the Angry Dwarf,” for buying his early parole so he could do The Odd Couple. This performance is dedicated to a captive audience: His dogs Luna and Jackson. And to YOU as well, faithful fan of the theater. If you’re still reading this ridiculous biography you’re either disturbingly interested, or the show’s starting late. Either way, thank you, and Godspeed! By the way, all the above is true.”
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